OK, I think I've calmed down enough to write about the continuing soap opera that is FC Barcelona. Hated coach Louis Van Gaal was fired last week and then they couldn't decide who they should get to replace him. For several days the Barça was without a coach as club functionary Antonio de la Cruz filled in until they finally decided who Van Gaal's replacement would be. That someone turned out to be Serb Radomir Antic, whose last two major accomplishments have been getting first Atlético de Madrid and then Oviedo sent down to Second Division. Antic takes over as coach today.

De la Cruz was the coach Saturday night as a frightened and decimated Barca squad went into the Calderón to face Atlético de Madrid before 55,000 fans waving red and white flags and scarves and howling, "Down to Second! Down to Second!", meaning Second Division. Proud Barcelona is one of only three Spanish clubs (the others are Real Madrid and At. Bilbao) which has never descended to Second since the league was founded in 1929. So far.

Cocu and Kluivert were suspended for one game for accumulating too many yellow cards, so they missed the match, as did an injured Saviola. De la Cruz threw a defense together consisting of Bonano in goal and a back-line four of, right to left, Puyol, Christianval, De Boer, and Reiziger. Bonano's confidence is shattered and he can't play with his feet; if the opposing forwards pressure him he chokes up and makes bad and dangerous passes. Cost him a goal last week and damn near cost him one this week. Steady, stalwart Puyol is definitely the team's MVP, but he can't do it all. Christianval, who has barely played this year because of a series of injuries, limped off again yesterday after twenty minutes. Oleguer from the B-team, who is like 19, was the only defenseman on the bench that could sub him, and he did a fine job. None of Atlético's goals came from the right side. They all came from the left, defended by over-the-hill Frank de Boer, whose decline has been tremendous since he left Ajax, and out-of-position and over-the-hill Reiziger, who is right-footed but was playing on the left side. These two guys were toast all night, which is why Barça got schnockered, 3-0.

There was plenty of blame to go around. Midfielder Xavi had a decent game, but his partner Rochemback was dreadful until he got himself kicked out of the game during a scuffle with Jose Mari, who had started it, but they both got sent off. And the offensive four were just awful. OK, Riquelme wasn't too bad, but right-winger Mendieta apparently has been taking suck pills, because he sure has sucked this year. As recently as two years ago he was one of the elite Spanish players. Then he went off to the Italian League, where he apparently learned how to suck. Forward Dani is through and should not be playing. And left-winger Overmars has recovered his speed but hasn't learned how to kick the ball accurately in the direction of the goal, which is his major failing.

Atlético has this season's Rookie of the Year, Fernando Torres, who is a hell of a forward and scored their first goal after burning Reiziger and De Boer. Then Contra burned Reiziger and De Boer and centered to Emerson's head for the second. Finally, with a few minutes left, former Barça player Luis García burned Reiziger and De Boer all by himself and scored number three. Good night, Mrs. Calabash. Reiziger and De Boer will be in the hospital for weeks with third-degree burns and so won't be able to play any more.. Actually, I wish the cited gentlemen no physical harm, but if that's the only way to get them out of the game, then so be it.

God help the Barça because nobody else can at this point. They're now in fifteenth place. Out of twenty teams. They are now having the absolute worst season in their history, even worse than those grim early 1940s teams of the postwar period. Imagine the Yankees losing a hundred games. That's what this is like. The Lakers this year might be an appropriate comparison, since they were supposed to make the finals again and instead may not make even the playoffs.