OK. I've been putting this off all week. Our city's beloved FC Barcelona, "more than a club", the most important civic institution in the city with the possible exception of giant savings bank La Caixa, is having the worst season of its history. The glorious Barça, symbol of Catalonia, is in twelfth place (out of 20 teams) with a record of 6 wins, 5 ties, and 8 losses for a total of 23 points at the exact halfway point of the season. Real Sociedad is in first with 12 wins, 7 ties, and 0 losses for 43 points.

Except for a couple of seasons in the postwar era in Spain (the World War II era in Europe), Barcelona has never played so poorly. Nobody can remember a Barça this bad. I can't remember the Barça ever finishing lower than fourth. The last bad season they had was 87-88, and even that year the Barça qualified for European competition. This year they won't. It will be the first time since European competitions began that Barça will not qualify, which I believe is a European record. They need to come in at least fourth to qualify for the Champions League; currently in fourth place is Betis with 33 points. No chance. They need to come in at least seventh to qualify for the now fairly pathetic UEFA Cup, which is considered much more of a minor-league competition now that it takes the 5th, 6th, and 7th teams from the major European leagues rather than the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th teams that it used to take. In seventh place is Mallorca with 27 points, which I guess is surmountable. They may make the UEFA after all.

Anyway, despised coach Louis Van Gaal has been canned. After his firing, he agreed to renounce €2.5 million of his €6 million three-year contract. This is less than most of us expected him to be making and adds to the suspicion that Dracula, Mr. Burns himself, despised team president Joan Gaspart, only hired Van Gaal because he was available cheap after being fired by the Dutch national team when he failed to qualify them for last year's World Cup. Gaspart is a mama's boy. You know how some poor kids get picked on and bullied at school because they're small and weak? I hate that. If I ever catch any kid picking on any other in my class I blast him verbally until I've got him frightened and then I send him to the director's office. (That's not really a plan. It's just what I do because I get so angry. This is one reason why I cannot teach children any more. Somebody would get hurt and I'd go to jail.) But you know how there are a few kids who are little weasels who provoke everyone else and deserve every ass-kicking they get because of all the trouble they stir up? That's Gaspart all over. He whines and whimpers and is just a huge crybaby in general.

And he's incompetent. Barcelona is one of the richest clubs in football, or at least it was, and they banked something like sixty million dollars for Luis Figo straight of Real Madrid's pocket. So what does Gaspart do with the money? Overpays for overrated over-the-hill players (Petit, Overmars, Andersson) or overpays for overrated young guys who do well in South American leagues. From what I've seen of Saviola and Riquelme, they're competent players, but they're not big stars. They looked great back in the Argentinian league, but most of the really good Argentinian players are in Europe, so they weren't facing top-quality competition back home. Rochemback, usually on the bench, and Geovanni, who has already been loaned out to Benfica for what's left of the season, also both cost way too much money. So did Gerard, when they bought him back from Valencia, where he had played well, to the Barça, where he hasn't. And Gaspart gave Rivaldo away for free to save six million euros.

Anyway, last weekend Barcelona lost 2-0 in Vigo to Celta and that was it for Louis Van Gaal. A short recent history of FC Barcelona: Johan Cruyff as coach: 90-91 won Spanish League, 91-92 won League, Champions Cup, 92-93 won League, 93-94 won League, lost final of Champions Cup 4-0 to Milan, team broken up, 94-95 nothing, 95-96 nothing. Bobby Robson as coach: 96-97 UEFA Cup. Louis Van Gaal: 97-98 League, 98-99 League, 99-00 nothing. Llorenç Serra Ferrer as coach: 00-01 nothing. Charly Rexach as coach: 01-02 nothing. Louis Van Gaal as coach: 02-03 nothing. The fans are fed up waiting for a winning team and Van Gaal is not providing it. He has been booted and it looks like Charly Rexach, Barcelona's jack-of-all-trades, will finish out the season as coach, mostly because they don't have any money to spend on anyone else.